Manifestation or Madness? (An Actor Prepares to...Lose it)

 Let's get one thing straight: acting is already an extreme sport in pretending. So, when someone says, "just act like you've already made it," I'm like -Babe, pretending is my profession. You want delusion? I've cried on cue in a public restroom for a self-tape and called it art. I am delusion. 

But now, as a grown adult with bills, rejection emails, and a resume that includes both Shakespear and "Girl Screaming #2", I've started exploring that magical little concept called:

Manifestation.

Or as I like to call it: Method acting for the role of Booked, Blessed, and Bicoastal.

The Daily Delusion Routine

Every day I wake up and channel my inner award-winning actress. Not because someone cast me lately (unless you count that experimental Zoom reading with three people and a cat), but because the role "Booked and Busy" requires full commitment-even when you're broke and booking nothing but background gigs and emotional growth.

I say my affirmations like I'm preforming for the Academy:

• 'I am a working actor.' (Technically accurate-I work on acting.)
•  'My talent is undeniable.'(Except, apparently, to every casting director this week.)
• 'The industry is lucky to have me.' (And one day it'll realize that-preferably before I'm playing someone's meemaw.)

Manifesting = Acting off-set

Here's the thing: Manifestation isn't a scam- it's acting with no audience. It's stepping into the character of your future self before anyone hands you the role.

You embody the part. You rehearse your lines- "even if you're developing nothing but unhealthy obsessions with checking Casting Networks. You build the character. You stay in the movement. You find the trust in the fiction.

We already lie convincingly for a living. So, lying to ourselves until it becomes real? Honestly, method.  

But is it Madness?

Absolutely! You're rehearsing your Oscar speech in the mirror while brushing your teeth. You're staging fake press interviews while driving in your car. you're walking through life with main character energy when the only thing you booked this week was a commercial callback that ghosted you harder than your ex. 

But you know what else is madness? Choosing this career in the first place. 

And yet, we do it-over and over again. Why? because the dream won't let go. And neither will we.

Final Scene 

Manifestation is madness, and magic. It's acting without a script. Rehearsing for a part no one's promised you. Crafting the illusion so powerfully that eventually- inevitably-someone believes in you. Even 

yourself.

So go ahead, be a little unhinged, Dream out loud. Play the role of a lifetime like you already booked it. 

Because if this whole thing is just one big performance? You might as well own the set!

Your turn

Are you currently acting like you've already booked it? What role are you playing until it's real? Drop it in the comments-I wanna cheer you on (and maybe borrow your affirmations).

And if you're into delusional optimism, dramatic monologues to the universe, and brutally honest behind-the-scenes of the actor life-hit the follow button and stay tuned. We're just getting started.

This Week's Spotlight: Fake it, Read it, Book it

Each week I'll be sharing a handpicked Amazon finds that tie to the Fake it 'Til You Book It life-tools, reads, and hidden gems that help you keep the dream alive. 

This week's pick:

Acting as a Business, Strategies for Success by Brian O'Neil

This one isn't just about the craft- it's about mindset, marketing, and manifesting your way through the chaos of the industry. A staple for every actor who's serious about making the leap from 'aspiring' to 'working'. Plus, it reads like a business-savvy giving you the tough love and tactical advice you didn't know you needed. 

Read it, highlight it, pretend you're reading it on set between takes- manifestation starts with information, darling. 

Budget Friendly Home Audition Studio Essentials

So, you're ready to ditch the "recording-in-your-bathroom" aesthetic and step into the world of professional self-tapes. But your wallet's giving you the side-eye? Fear not! I've scoured Amazon for budget-friendly gear that will have you looking and sounding like a star without the star-level price tag.

Clip on Microphones: Because Your Phone's Mic Isn't Cutting It

Let's face it: your phone's built-in microphone is about a reliable as a weather forecast. Upgrade to a clip-on lavalier mic and let your voice shine without a background noise of your neighbor's lawnmower.

Wedaniya Wireless Lavalier Lapel Microphone

 At Just $13.99, this little gem offers clear audio without the fuss.

2 Pack Type C Mini Wireless Lavalier Microphone

For just $22.99 you get two mics- perfect for interviews or if you just like having a backup.

2Pack Wireless Lavalier Microphone for iPhone iPad Androd with Charge Case

At $28.99, this set is plug-and-play, making your setup as easy as pie.

Lighting: Lights, Camera, please don't make me look like I'm in a Dungeon

Lighting is everything. If you're auditioning for a romantic lead and your face is hidden in shadow like you're giving an anonymous interview on Dateline, we have a problem.

Weilisi 10.5" Ring Light with 69" Tripod Stand

This one is from my personal audition space collection. At just $38.99 it comes with wireless remote, tripod with phone holder, brighter and softer lights, and the new full screen design. 

LimoStudio Softbox Lighting kit $71.99

If you want to get fancy. Great for lighting your whole space- plus, you'll feel like you're on a real set, not just between your couch and dying houseplant. 

Phone Tripods: Because No One Wants to Watch a Wobbly Tape

Your performance shouldn't shake like it's being filmed during the 'Blair Witch Project'. Stabilize your life (and your camera) with one of these.

UBeesize Magnetic Tripod for iPhone with Remote, 64’’$29.13

Tall enough to film standing up, sitting down, or lying on the floor questioning your career choices.

Auto Face Tracking Tripod 360 Rotation $41.99

This sweet little find, has AI face tracking, is good for various angles shooting, and as you can see comes at a budget friendly cost.

Backdrop: Because Your Laundry Pile Isn't Part of the Scene

Kate Collapsible Pop-Up Backdrop for Self-Tape Auditions $46.99

Looks clean, hides clutter, and makes it seem like you have your life together (even if you absolutely do not).

Of course there are other affordable backdrop ideas, such as a solid color wall, an unwrinkled sheet thumbtacked to the wall. You get the idea. The Keywords here are "solid backdrop".

Bonus: Acoustic Panels for Echoey Apartments and Haunted Houses 

If your space sounds like you're yelling into a canyon, a few foam panels can do wonders.

JBER 12 Pack Acoustic Foam Panels

They won't fix your broken connection with your day job, but they will help with the echo.

Final Thoughts (and Passive Aggressive Encouragement)

Look if you've made it this far, congratulations! You're already more dedicated than 80% of people in that Facebook actors' group. You don't need to spend a fortune to look and sound professional. Just a little bit of cash and a whole lot of pretending you've got it all figured out.

Now go forth, tape your heart out, and book the role you deserve-even if you're filming it in a 500 sq ft. apartment that doubles as your bedroom, gym, and emotional spiral zone.

Follow this blog for more broke-but-brilliant actor hacks, and drop a comment below with your favorite audition fail or budget find. I love a good chaos story!

- Your Self-Tape Fairy Godmother (on a budget)

Self-Tapes and Self-Doubt: Auditioning from Home Like a Semi-Unhinged Pro ( or a Newbie Faking it Well)

 Welcome to the wild, confusing, emotionally unstable world of auditioning from home.

Gone are the days of sweaty in-person auditions and awkward waiting rooms with actors who look just like you- but hotter. Now it's just you, your phone, a questionable backdrop, and the crushing silence of self-doubt echoing through your living room.

If you're new to this game, first off: congrats! You've made it to the self-tape era-where you're expected to be an actor, director, lighting technician, cinematographer, sound engineer, editor, and set designer all at once.  For free, in 24 hours, while looking amazing.

Let's break down this emotional rollercoaster, shall we?

Step 1: The Breakdown (Not the Scripted kind)

You get an email: "Hi there! Please submit a 3-page monologue by tomorrow. Fully memorized, in a clean, well-lit space. Use a neutral background. Dress suggestively like the character, but not in a costume. Be natural. Be bold. Be...perfect."

You; panics while taping a wrinkled shower curtain to the wall with painter's tape and prayer.

Step 2: The Setup-AKA Filming in a Janky IKEA Studio

Your tripod is leaning like it just had one too many. Your ring light decides to die mid-slate. Your roommate starts blending a smoothie right as you hit record.

Your cat wants to be in the scene. Your neighbor's toddler wants to audition too.

You start questioning your life choices while adjusting your phone for the 47th time.

Welcome to the professional DIY life.

Step 3: Acting into the Void (and trying not to cry)

You do twelve takes.

• Take 1: robotic.
• Take 2: too emotional.
• Take 3: great until your eye twitches.
• Take 4: cat meowed.
• Take 5: forgot your lines.
• Take 6: perfect-but forgot to hit the record.

By take 12, you're fueled entirely by caffeine, rage, and the faint hope of SAG eligibility.

You picked the one where you looked slightly less dead behind the eyes and hit "send." 

Step 4: The Spiral 

Now begins the waiting. The overanalyzing. The refreshing your inbox like it's your toxic ex's Instagram story.

"Did they even watch it?" 

"Was my slate too long?"

"Did I breathe weird?"

"Should I move to another country?"

STOP. Breathe. You did the thing.

If You're Just Starting Out...

Look, this whole thing is A LOT. It's weird. It's uncomfortable. It can make you feel like you're losing your mind while dressed as a nurse/lawyer/dystopian street urchin in your own living space.

But here's the truth: You're not doing it wrong. You're doing it exactly right.

Yes, your self-tape setup might be one step above a hostage video. Yes, your "neutral" background is a bedsheet thumbtacked to a wall. Yes, your reader is your friend's little brother doing his best robot impression.

But guess what? You're showing up. You're doing the work. And THAT'S what counts.

Pro Tips from Someone Who's Been There (and Still Spirals):

Don't chase perfection. Casting isn't looking for perfect. They're looking for a presence, truth, and potential.

Light your face, not your soul on fire. Natural light + cheap ring light = solid gold.

Frame it well. Shoulders up, eyes forward, No hostages.

Do your best and LET IT GO. They saw what they needed to see in the first 10 seconds. Trust that.

Final Word:

  You're not just learning how to act. You're learning how to persist. And that's what this industry is all about.

So, the next time you're sweating under a ring light, whispering your lines while the dog barks and your roommate reheats leftovers-remember this:

You're faking it 'til you book it. And honestly? That's how everyone starts.

Now go delete 27 takes off your phone and reward yourself with something carby. You earned it. 

Got self-tape horror stories, budget hacks, or questions that still haunt you at 2 a.m.?

Drop them in the comments-I live for a good audition meltdown tale. 

And if you're into snarky survival tips, honest advice, and behind-the-scenes realness about actor life, hit that follow.

Let's fake it together 'til we book it. 

#FakeItTilYouBookIt

When your day job tries to kill your dream: how I'm still acting through it

Welcome back to Fake it 'til you book it', where we chase our dreams while dodging workplace trauma like it's dodgeball in hell.

Let's talk about day jobs- you know, that "supportive side hustle" that was supposed to fund your dreams but somehow turned into a full-blown hostage situation.

Currently starring in "Corporate Purgatory: The Toxic Mangement Chronicles", I've got a front-row seat to a workplace performance that deserves a Razzie, or a pizza party (which one costs less and takes no time at all to set up?) And Mangement? Oh, they've perfected the art of weaponized mediocrity.  They're not just toxic-they're an airborne hazard. The kind of person who only "mentors" you if your lips are firmly attached to their behind like a barnacle on a cruise ship. 

Spoiler alert: I don't kiss anyone's career cushion. Not in this economy. Not for a job that lists "teamwork" as a core value while rewarding sabotage like it's an Olympic sport.

See, the minute your Mangement realizes you've got ambition beyond the breakroom, suddenly you're the problem.  They start hoarding opportunities like they're prepping for an apocalypse of competence.  Oh, you asked about that training program? Cute. What it mysteriously "fill up" seconds before you try to apply.  You didn't smile enough during the morning team meetings? Guess who's now "not a team player."

They don't want you to grow, they want you to stay.  Right where they can see you. In your place. Smiling obedient, and underpaid.

But here's the thing: I'm not staying. I'm faking it "til I book it, remember?" 

So to the Mangement who thinks they can sabotage my shine: baby, I've survived understaffed twelve-hour shifts, passive-aggressive emails, including having to justify my job weekly, oh and fish in the breakroom. You? You're just a line in the backstory of my memoir.  

My dreams? They don't clock out. And neither should yours. Keep applying, keep plotting, keep your vision sacred. Because one day, while they're still playing power games in their sad little sandbox, you'll be living the life they tried to keep from you.

Until then, chin up, middle fingers down (most of the time), and remember you don't need to kiss anyone's career cushion to kick it.

So what's the moral of this story? Don't lose your soul in a place that only promotes people based on how well they polish their career cushion. Keep showing up for your dreams, not their fragile egos.

If you've ever had a Mangement team who treated your ambition like a personal threat-or if you've mastered the art of dodging sabotage with grace and petty sarcasm- drop a comment below and let me know. Misery may love company, but petty loves a story.

Follow for more hot takes, side-eye energy, and survival tips from the trenches.  And tell your dream-chasing bestie to follow too-because solidarity looks better with backups.

Question of the week: What's the pettiest thing a toxic boss ever did to block your shine?

Spill the tea, I've got time and snacks!

The Art of Acting; Crying into the Void

You know what's a beautiful thing about being an actor? No, it's not the glamor, the fame, or the creative fulfillment.  It's the very real possibility that you can pour your soul, your blood, and at least three layers of your skin into a project...and absolutely no one will see it. Not even your cat who watches everything.

One day, you're doing intense table work, researching a character who's gone through seventeen divorces and a tragic clown college incident. You dig deep, sob during rehearsals, maybe even pull a muscle doing your "big emotional scene." You sacrifice your weekends, your dignity, and possibly your eyebrows (depending on the role) for your craft. 

And then?

  Poof... gone. Ghosted by the project like a Tinder date who promised lunch and eternal love.

Maybe the director "lost funding." Maybe the editor "moved to Bali to find himself." Maybe the footage 'got corrupted" because apparently SD cards are emotionally fragile too.  Or-and this one's my personal favorite-maybe the director has ADHD and just bounces to a brand-new shiny project without ever once thinking about the actors still standing there, emotionally naked, holding their shredded dignity in their hands like total idiots.

But don't worry! You still grew as an artist! You learned patience, resilience, and how to fake a smile when someone says, "Hey, when does that thing you filmed come out?"

Oh it's coming out.

Right after my will to live.

Honestly, at this point, I'm just telling people that my missing projects are "exclusive, invite-only art installations." You didn't see it because you're not avant-garde enough, Cathy!

So next time you sob into a monologue for a short film that never materializes, just remember, you are not alone. We are all out here, passionately acting into the abyss, hoping someday someone finds our lost footage and mistakes it for a misunderstood masterpiece.

Until then, I'll be here, booking ghost projects and becoming an invisible legend.  

Got a story about a project that disappeared faster than your rent money? Leave a comment below and let's trauma bond.